On Friday Night, my Hubby and I celebrated 11 years of marriage! We went out on the town and had a great time, just him and I. I was very happy to spend some quality time together. We could not stay out too late because I was working at the dance studio all day the next day........ plus, I am not 20 anymore! ha ha!!! So it's harder the next day!
But now that I tell people that we have been married 11 years, you know the question always comes out: "and no kids?" I do not want to explain my entire life story and the difficult times we have gone through to every parent at the dance studio (yes, I work with kids all week long!). I just tell them that it has been hard and that hopefully it will happen someday. I don't like when people look at me with pity.
I have to say that I have changed over the years. After the first 2 miscarriages, I went into deep depression. I then snapped out of it and focused on trying and trying and trying...... with no outcomes. Unfortunately, IUI's and IVF is not for us as our insurance does not cover these costs or an extremely small amount. We make ok money, not enough to invest in "baby loans" or intensive medical treatments. So lately I have been thinking about me and enjoying ME. I joined a new gym which has great classes in the morning that I enjoy going to. I have lost 3 pounds and I feel great. Hubby and I enjoy our time together. I seem and feel more happy. I more and more come to terms with the fact that we might not have any children ever. It sucks but it is the way it is..... I guess it is what my life was supposed to be. I do not close the door on the idea of being a parent, I always wanted to be one......... but if it happens, it happens. I stay hopeful :-)
Balanced Translocation you have been tough on me but I am back enjoying life........ you could not take that away from me!
Thirtiesgirl, if you read this post, I tried to post a comment on your blog but it did not work so I pasted it in here.
ReplyDeleteThirtiesgirl,I am sending some love your way. I am so sorry about IUI #4. I keep my fingers crossed for you for the next cycle.
I had to throw my bestfriend a baby shower three years ago for her first one and attended another shower for her second only three weeks after my loss #5, it was hard. Like Adele said in her post I wish you alot of strength.
Best to you always!
February 8, 2011 6:10 PM
I didn't see this! Dang. Thanks so much for the love and the well wishes. I can't imagine throwing a shower right after a loss. At least I have some distance between the last one and this shower.
ReplyDeleteI know.... it was extremely difficult. It seems that I have "built" this shell around myself to protect ME from the outside "pregnancy world." So I can somehow go on and not hate everyone around me. Good Luck with your cycle #5. It has to happen someday for you and I, right?
ReplyDeleteFrenchie...thanks for your support of my blog. I hate that IF requires money to "fight it". But I am sooo glad that you are taking control back in your life. I wish you many blessings (whatever they may be) and happiness.
ReplyDeleteThanks you. I know, it is very unfair.... but I am enjoying myself for the moment. What shall happen will happen! We'll see!
ReplyDelete