Thursday, May 26, 2011

Here is the plan--- for now

Ok, so I was able to reach my OB/GYN office and talk to the nurse who had talked to the doctor in my favor. I am known there as I am considered a special case because of my BT and them seeing me for 2 D&Cs and three follow-ups natural miscarriages. I asked them to just do the levels for a few weeks but the doctor said that even if they were doubling, it does not mean that there are no problems with the pregnancy, especially with BT and the different combinations that can pass on. They want to make sure that all is in place from the start. So, I will be going in on June 6th, which (if everything keeps going accordingly) should be between 6-7 weeks. In the past, they made me come for early scans and blood draws and I would have to go back every two days for more scans because it looked small, did not grow fast, etc... We are trying to avoid that this time, they understand how emotional this is for me. All the nurses know what I have been going through, they know me by my first name when I call (and it's a pretty good size practice). I would worry about the level results and spend hours on google and looking what it meant and just getting myself totally crazy. I had told myself that if I would get pregnant again, I would just let it go for a while and see what happens. I guess we are doing that at this time, to a certain degree. I asked the nurse, "what if I start bleeding in the meantime" and of course she told me to call right away and they would see me right then.
I guess in a week or so, I could re-test myself at home and see what the line color is. It has been growing darker until now. If it becomes lighter, it could indicate that something is wrong (it happened like that in the past). So, for now, here is my plan...... go along, try to relax as much as I can and hopefully make it to June 6th without bleeding. Fingers crossed!

Monday, May 23, 2011

What to do?!

Huuhhh!!!! I am driving myself insane. I took another HPT this morning and had a very dark positive line. The line has gotten darker through the past couple of days but I know that it does not mean anything.
I just can't seem to be able to pick up the phone and call to get my levels tested. I was even considering getting another HPT and re-test at the end of the week and see what shade the line comes back. I know it's dumb..... and a waste of money. I am so scared to face the reality. I have a bit of a tingly sensation in my breast sometimes, I wasn't feeling good this morning, and have been really tired. Although those are signs, for us BTers, it does not mean much. I think I am more inclined to call my regular family doctor and see if they could check the levels and then take it from there. But then I find myself wondering, could they interpret the levels correctly since I have BT, levels are a good indication for me. Should I just bite the bullet and call my OB and maybe just ask if it would be ok for them just to test levels for now until we do any further testings?....... hhuuhhhhh.... I am driving myself nuts :( I want this little one to stick so bad but I am scared to face the reality of another disappointment. We have our dance performance on June 28th and if I go through another m/c, I am so scared that I am going to have to dance and smile and pretend all is well when inside I would be so crushed :( Sorry, I just had to let it out.

Thursday, May 19, 2011


As I announced in my previous post, I took a HPT on Tuesday that was positive but I started spotting and cramping that afternoon. Well, the spotting has completely stopped........ for now (knock on wood).
I am confused on what to do from here. I have suffered so much through 5 consecutive m/c's. I do not want to call my OB/GYN and go through the process of testing, poking, and no HB u/s. I am frightened. I am so scared to be disappointed...... once again. I just want to see what happens. If this ends up in a m/c, I would rather let it happen. Hhhuuhhhhh............. this isn't easy. Should I instead get my levels tested so I know where we stand?! I don't want to at the moment. I am scared to face the reality. I think I might wait until next week and see what happens. If it's still "ok", I will take it from there I guess.
I am putting a little hold on my weight lifting and zumba classes. Just for a week or so. Let's see first.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


This is how I feel today. So far it has been a crazy week, emotional.
My mom got her results from her karyotype and it came back normal, 46 XX. She does not have the translocation. My dad did not get tested but he has two children, me and my half sister. His family did not struggle with infertlity or losses. I am pretty conveived that I am de novo. I came to realize that I might be the first one to pass this on to a child and it is very hard to take in :(

On another note, I have taken a HPT on Tuesday, BFP (although the line is faint) but I started cramping (very intense) and spotting soon after. The spotting did not return today, except a yellowish discharge and no cramping, occasional pain. I think that the faint line and the spotting/cramping is just a sign that once again...this is not the one. We will have to see. I hope that if it isn't meant to be it will happen quick so I can move on. I was doing so good for myself. I want to keep going. If it is a good one......... well..........we shall see.....

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Blogger Award

Thirtiesgirl at Babies, Balanced Translocations, and Being in my 30's awarded me with a stylish blogger award. The Rules are:

 1. Link back to the person who gave you the award
2. Tell 7 things about yourself
3. Award other bloggers - The Stylish Blogger Award is to be awarded to 10 - 15 people.
4. Notify winners 

I'm going to give this to: 
Lavonne Our Wish

Seven things About Myself
1) I own three dogs. 2 Basset Hounds, Boots and Snoopy, and a Chihuahua, Rocky.
2) I own three cats. Coconut, Homie and Blackie (suddedly appeared on our porch about three years ago!!!)
3) I am only 4'11''
4) I speak French and English fluently
5) I own a dance studio. 175 students, also we have a competition team. Preparing our end of the year recital at this time. Dance is my passion!
6) I love going to the gym, lifting weights and ZUMBA classes!
7) I love dragonflies (I believe my little ones reincarnated into them and are flying around my house everyday!)