Déja Vu

Today is "déja vu" for us. Indeed, I started spotting last evening. You can imagine our disappointment. Although the irregular pregnancy sac and slow rising HCG levels were warning signs, I still had a little bit of hope in me. I am going to wait before calling the OB/GYN as I already have lived this scenario (5 times). I have a follow-up appointment on Thursday which should have checked for a heartbeat. I don't think that we will see anything. If I did not have BT, I might be a little bit more at ease (my friend had some spotting with her second pregnancy and her baby is perfectly normal) but knowing my history, spotting is NOT a good sign. I also feel a few twinges in my lower abdomen.
Hubby and I sobbed for a short time on the couch last night and hugged each other. We said that we will get through this again and keep going. He hates seeing me in pain and it was difficult looking at him looking at me with fear and tears in his eyes. I told him that I will be just fine, as long as I have him by my side. Today also marks the two weeks 'til recital. It is going to be extremely difficult but I will be busy and I will just dance my heart out. Hubby and I decided that the week following recital we will go away and have some cocktails (yes!!!!--- unless this is a fluke kind of spotting, but I don't think so, it looks too familiar).
Although the future of this pregnancy isn't promising, I am grateful for alot of things. An awesome Hubby, awesome friends, being able to do what I love for a living, and many many other things. I also thank you, my blogging friends, for your help and support. It has made this difficult journey easier. Being able to share stories with people that understand as they have gone through the same thing is making this hard time a bit easier to deal with. I don't lose hope and it might happen someday...