Tonight we are going out to celebrate a friend's birthday. Some of our friends will be coming back to our house afterwards because they live too far to drive late at night. But they are not the only guests that we are hosting this weekend. AF showed up last night, hmmm?! Only three weeks after D&C. I am not complaining, I think it's great my body is going back on track quite rapidly. I usually get it pretty quickly after m/c's but I think it was the quickest. It also makes me feel better since OB did not draw anymore blood. At least I know that levels have gone down.
Well, I am starting back my gym routine on Monday since camps are over and now AF, I can officially say that I am back to the routine. It feels great!
We have decided to just see what happens and try naturally for now. I will be turning 31 in August. I want to wait a few more years and see. I know that we have options so it makes me feel a tad better.
Considering DE and DEmbryo if naturally does not work out. I have come to terms with this, I feel good about it. It makes life easier and I want to enjoy it to the fullest! Have a great weekend everyone :)
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Back to the Routine
So it has been three weeks since the D&C. Everything went fine with the procedure. No complications, no heavy bleeding also. It lasted about a week. I do believe that my body is getting back to normal and feel that I ovulated and I am getting pre-menstrual cramps since this morning. So I am just waiting for AF to arrive.
First cycle since April.............. since that nightmare of a month and a half.
I went to my follow-up appointment on Monday and I am very disappointed with the ob/gyn. There are a few things that left a sour taste in my mouth the past few years. This past non-successful pregnancy has been tough and that ob/gyn practice has not met my personal standards. This past Monday was the breaking point though. Starting next week, I will be looking for a new practice. I need to find doctors that understand BT a bit more (I know it will be difficult but I am sure I can find someone who understands it or at least is a bit more sensitive to my delicate situation). The doctor did not even ask to check my levels (first time in 6 m/c's), he only did a quick internal exam. He also told me to stop trying to get pregnant on my own. Wow.... I know it's hard but it can happen. Unfortunately I do not have the resources to do IVF or Donor Eggs. My insurance does not cover it. He told me to just go straight to donor eggs and gave me the name of a reproductive clinic with some great specialists. I told him that we did not consider it at this time. I also quickly explained that over the years I had to come to terms with the donor eggs idea. Although I am totally open to this option now, when I first m/c at the age of 25, I had a hard time with thinking about donor eggs. It took time to understand but if I could do donor eggs, I would so do it! (I want to thank LisainSK for reinforcing this idea). I told the doctor that it took me a long time coming to terms with the fact that it would be my husband genetics and not mine. What made me so mad (this is why I am done with them) is that the doctor did not even look at me in the eyes and was writing something on my chart and responded without any regards to my feelings: "well..... it's better than nothing." He then said take care and left the room. Wow.... really?! It is time for a new ob/gyn. If anyone knows a good doctor in the Tampa Bay area, please let me know. A mom from the studio gave me a name and I am going to call and see.
Other than that, I am almost done with the crazy schedule of three weeks of dance camps (9am-5pm) followed by summer classes (6pm-9pm). I miss my zumba classes and I am starting again on Monday!!! Yay!!!
I am looking forward to going back to my normal routine.
First cycle since April.............. since that nightmare of a month and a half.
I went to my follow-up appointment on Monday and I am very disappointed with the ob/gyn. There are a few things that left a sour taste in my mouth the past few years. This past non-successful pregnancy has been tough and that ob/gyn practice has not met my personal standards. This past Monday was the breaking point though. Starting next week, I will be looking for a new practice. I need to find doctors that understand BT a bit more (I know it will be difficult but I am sure I can find someone who understands it or at least is a bit more sensitive to my delicate situation). The doctor did not even ask to check my levels (first time in 6 m/c's), he only did a quick internal exam. He also told me to stop trying to get pregnant on my own. Wow.... I know it's hard but it can happen. Unfortunately I do not have the resources to do IVF or Donor Eggs. My insurance does not cover it. He told me to just go straight to donor eggs and gave me the name of a reproductive clinic with some great specialists. I told him that we did not consider it at this time. I also quickly explained that over the years I had to come to terms with the donor eggs idea. Although I am totally open to this option now, when I first m/c at the age of 25, I had a hard time with thinking about donor eggs. It took time to understand but if I could do donor eggs, I would so do it! (I want to thank LisainSK for reinforcing this idea). I told the doctor that it took me a long time coming to terms with the fact that it would be my husband genetics and not mine. What made me so mad (this is why I am done with them) is that the doctor did not even look at me in the eyes and was writing something on my chart and responded without any regards to my feelings: "well..... it's better than nothing." He then said take care and left the room. Wow.... really?! It is time for a new ob/gyn. If anyone knows a good doctor in the Tampa Bay area, please let me know. A mom from the studio gave me a name and I am going to call and see.
Other than that, I am almost done with the crazy schedule of three weeks of dance camps (9am-5pm) followed by summer classes (6pm-9pm). I miss my zumba classes and I am starting again on Monday!!! Yay!!!
I am looking forward to going back to my normal routine.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
I'm back and I'm ok..... but I will write more later
Hello Everyone,
I just wanted to let you know that I had the D&C last Thursday and I am OK. I will write more about how I am feeling later as I have been very busy with dance camps at the studio and I am gone about 14-15 hours each day. I promise to catch up on reading everyone's blogs and I will keep you updated on my condition.
Even going through this very difficult time..... I'm doing OK. Just wanted my blogging family to know :)
I just wanted to let you know that I had the D&C last Thursday and I am OK. I will write more about how I am feeling later as I have been very busy with dance camps at the studio and I am gone about 14-15 hours each day. I promise to catch up on reading everyone's blogs and I will keep you updated on my condition.
Even going through this very difficult time..... I'm doing OK. Just wanted my blogging family to know :)
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Sad News.... The Pregnancy has Ended
Unfortunately today, our follow up ultrasound revealed some sad news. At 7w4d, no heartbeat. Our lo is gone.
I've had some spotting for 11 days now and many signs were not good from the start..... but we were still a little hopeful.
Dates were off, the shape of the pregnancy sac was irregular on initial u/s, levels not doubling, spotting, no symptoms.......... deep in my heart I knew. I have gone through this many times now. It resembled my first two pregnancies.Unfortunately this happens at a horrible time for me. I own a dance studio and I am the director as well. Our end of the year performance is Tuesday. We have tech rehearsals all week-end and starting Monday we have a full day of dress rehearsal and then the show is Tuesday night.
Here is the plan: we scheduled a D&C for next Thursday. I wanted to see if it would happen on its own in the meantime but man...... I have to be at rehearsals and even dance, wow..... talk about playing with the cards that have been dealt for you! Maybe it's best if it does not happen and I can last until Thursday. I wanted to avoid a D&C but then I have a few days off and have to start summer camps, I might as well. I can't grieve at this point as I have so many last minute things to prepare, I guess I will do so on Wednesday when the show is over.
I am doing ok, I guess. The doctor is also making me do some other tests to make sure that nothing else is wrong. Hubby and I are going to try and enjoy a few days off next week (probably after surgery) and then slowly but surely, we will try again. It has to happen at some point right?!
Well, my fellow followers, thanks for reading this and for all your support. This loss is a bit easier on me as I am able to share my feelings with people who understand. I hope to write again very soon about (hopefully) a successful pregnancy.
So far:
6 m/c's > 9 weeks
We will resume ttc #1 very soon... still hopeful
I've had some spotting for 11 days now and many signs were not good from the start..... but we were still a little hopeful.
Dates were off, the shape of the pregnancy sac was irregular on initial u/s, levels not doubling, spotting, no symptoms.......... deep in my heart I knew. I have gone through this many times now. It resembled my first two pregnancies.Unfortunately this happens at a horrible time for me. I own a dance studio and I am the director as well. Our end of the year performance is Tuesday. We have tech rehearsals all week-end and starting Monday we have a full day of dress rehearsal and then the show is Tuesday night.
Here is the plan: we scheduled a D&C for next Thursday. I wanted to see if it would happen on its own in the meantime but man...... I have to be at rehearsals and even dance, wow..... talk about playing with the cards that have been dealt for you! Maybe it's best if it does not happen and I can last until Thursday. I wanted to avoid a D&C but then I have a few days off and have to start summer camps, I might as well. I can't grieve at this point as I have so many last minute things to prepare, I guess I will do so on Wednesday when the show is over.
I am doing ok, I guess. The doctor is also making me do some other tests to make sure that nothing else is wrong. Hubby and I are going to try and enjoy a few days off next week (probably after surgery) and then slowly but surely, we will try again. It has to happen at some point right?!
Well, my fellow followers, thanks for reading this and for all your support. This loss is a bit easier on me as I am able to share my feelings with people who understand. I hope to write again very soon about (hopefully) a successful pregnancy.
So far:
6 m/c's > 9 weeks
We will resume ttc #1 very soon... still hopeful
Thursday, June 16, 2011
We have..... a Heartbeat
Oh..... what an emotional pregnancy this has been so far! As mentioned in my previous post, spotting started last Sunday and it seems too familiar as I have spotted in all my pregnancies and they all ended badly. As I went in today for my follow-up appointment, I was sure we would see a big fat nothing, let's be real, the spotting looked pretty bad yesterday (who spots like that in a healthy pregnancy?!..... I have read that it actually happens alot but because of the BT I associate it to be a negative thing).
Well, to my surprise, the heartbeat was there and the baby has signanfically grown since last Thursday. The growth seems to be on track from previous ultrasounds but I still believe that my dates are off a bit. I had the exact scenario in three of my pregnancies.
It measures 6w4d, which the doctor says that the date of conception could be around 11-13th of May. Huummm..... but I found out on HPT on May 17th. It seems odd. I know that ultrasounds are not a 100% and the dates could be off by a few days which I could be a little further along which would mean that I could still be in a normal range. Who knows.... it just seems that it started off. Also the numbers not doubling is a bit alarming to me. The doctor seemed fine with where we are at this point and I will be monitored weekly to see the progress.
Oh and the EDD is the day after our anniversary. Crossing fingers that this is a keeper. Ok I should stop focusing on the negative and making comparisons with the past pregnancies, let's try to stay positive!
Well, to my surprise, the heartbeat was there and the baby has signanfically grown since last Thursday. The growth seems to be on track from previous ultrasounds but I still believe that my dates are off a bit. I had the exact scenario in three of my pregnancies.
It measures 6w4d, which the doctor says that the date of conception could be around 11-13th of May. Huummm..... but I found out on HPT on May 17th. It seems odd. I know that ultrasounds are not a 100% and the dates could be off by a few days which I could be a little further along which would mean that I could still be in a normal range. Who knows.... it just seems that it started off. Also the numbers not doubling is a bit alarming to me. The doctor seemed fine with where we are at this point and I will be monitored weekly to see the progress.
Oh and the EDD is the day after our anniversary. Crossing fingers that this is a keeper. Ok I should stop focusing on the negative and making comparisons with the past pregnancies, let's try to stay positive!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Déja Vu
Today is "déja vu" for us. Indeed, I started spotting last evening. You can imagine our disappointment. Although the irregular pregnancy sac and slow rising HCG levels were warning signs, I still had a little bit of hope in me. I am going to wait before calling the OB/GYN as I already have lived this scenario (5 times). I have a follow-up appointment on Thursday which should have checked for a heartbeat. I don't think that we will see anything. If I did not have BT, I might be a little bit more at ease (my friend had some spotting with her second pregnancy and her baby is perfectly normal) but knowing my history, spotting is NOT a good sign. I also feel a few twinges in my lower abdomen.
Hubby and I sobbed for a short time on the couch last night and hugged each other. We said that we will get through this again and keep going. He hates seeing me in pain and it was difficult looking at him looking at me with fear and tears in his eyes. I told him that I will be just fine, as long as I have him by my side. Today also marks the two weeks 'til recital. It is going to be extremely difficult but I will be busy and I will just dance my heart out. Hubby and I decided that the week following recital we will go away and have some cocktails (yes!!!!--- unless this is a fluke kind of spotting, but I don't think so, it looks too familiar).
Although the future of this pregnancy isn't promising, I am grateful for alot of things. An awesome Hubby, awesome friends, being able to do what I love for a living, and many many other things. I also thank you, my blogging friends, for your help and support. It has made this difficult journey easier. Being able to share stories with people that understand as they have gone through the same thing is making this hard time a bit easier to deal with. I don't lose hope and it might happen someday...
Hubby and I sobbed for a short time on the couch last night and hugged each other. We said that we will get through this again and keep going. He hates seeing me in pain and it was difficult looking at him looking at me with fear and tears in his eyes. I told him that I will be just fine, as long as I have him by my side. Today also marks the two weeks 'til recital. It is going to be extremely difficult but I will be busy and I will just dance my heart out. Hubby and I decided that the week following recital we will go away and have some cocktails (yes!!!!--- unless this is a fluke kind of spotting, but I don't think so, it looks too familiar).
Although the future of this pregnancy isn't promising, I am grateful for alot of things. An awesome Hubby, awesome friends, being able to do what I love for a living, and many many other things. I also thank you, my blogging friends, for your help and support. It has made this difficult journey easier. Being able to share stories with people that understand as they have gone through the same thing is making this hard time a bit easier to deal with. I don't lose hope and it might happen someday...
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Update- what a roller coaster ride!
So I went in today for a follow-up ultrasound. Since the OB told me Monday that the shape of the pregnancy sac was irregular and we saw nothing in it, I did not have high hopes. Well, the yolk sac and fetal pole were there today, no cardiac activity but the OB who performed ultrasound said it seems to be too early and I would be somewhere in the 5th week (it seems a bit off unless I ovulated later, and I got +HPT on 5/17/11). So I go back next week to see if heartbeat starts.
Also, I finally got HCG levels back. Well, they started high for me: 6338 on Monday 6/6/11 but they did not double. 7779 on Wednesday. :( Doc is concerned that they did not go as high as they would have liked. But he said it can happen. Some women's levels do not follow normal guidelines. Knowing of the BT though, like he said, it's still 50-50 at this point. My levels have never been that high that early on, I wish they would have doubled. Oh well.... I guess we will see. I have been walking around since Monday not feeling pregnant anymore and now we saw some progress and I am still on hold..... huhhhh......
Also, I finally got HCG levels back. Well, they started high for me: 6338 on Monday 6/6/11 but they did not double. 7779 on Wednesday. :( Doc is concerned that they did not go as high as they would have liked. But he said it can happen. Some women's levels do not follow normal guidelines. Knowing of the BT though, like he said, it's still 50-50 at this point. My levels have never been that high that early on, I wish they would have doubled. Oh well.... I guess we will see. I have been walking around since Monday not feeling pregnant anymore and now we saw some progress and I am still on hold..... huhhhh......
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